just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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