The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
