please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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