i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
