wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
