i already hear my dad disowning me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
