i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
