i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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