I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
