You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
