forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
