i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
