I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Girls should come with a carfax report
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
