feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
