her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
