I got chris browned last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
