i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
