I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
