needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
