i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
