Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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