do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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