you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
