In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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