Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
