Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
