I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize