you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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