I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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