I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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