is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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