so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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