Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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