Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
