our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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