The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
