whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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