dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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