Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
