im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
