I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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