i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
