I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
