She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
worst night to have a conscience
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
