Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
