Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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