She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
