spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
