Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
