All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
