we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i already hear my dad disowning me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
