His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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