Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
