Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
