I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will be naked everywhere
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize