Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
