No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
