the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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