So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
