P.S. I can't hear my feet
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You need a sexual gate keeper
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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