I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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