WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is wine microwaveable?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
