I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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