why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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