happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
