So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
