after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
