Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
