awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
