If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
